friendly, green light beams!
cautiously opened her eyes. This was not the glaring light of the desert.
Certainly not! This was not the desert at all. Looking around she realized
that the light forced its way through dark brown wooden planks. She sat up.
Just then she became aware that she was lying on a green bed. A bed made of
leaves and flowers. Confused the woman wondered how she got here. She only
could remember the sun, the heat and the thirst. The DESERT!
she had found a way out of this trap and must have reached this little hut.
But she could not even begin to imagine how. Her mind was a blank. There had
been nothing but the sun, the heat, more heat and dust.
now she was here, safe from all that. Somewhere during the long trek throuhg
the desert she had lost the ability to question. The merciless sun had been
a good teacher, to make her understand what really mattered. It was not very
much as she had found out. Dreams
were important, because they kept you going, even if you think, you cannot
possibly go any further. Facts were important, too, because they were like
walls too high to climb - you just had to accept their existence. There was
not very much else. Not anymore.
both her hands she grabbed the green leaves and pressed them hard. They were
humid, and lush and juicy. They felt so good! She buried her face in them,
and this felt even better. Her skin was still sore, although it did not hurt
as much anymore.
a little voice, deep in her mind began to wonder how she had found her way
out of the desert. But there was no memory she could draw into the soft green
light. She fell asleep again. Hours or days, she could not tell when she woke
up again, it was later, that was all she knew.
she got up looking around more closely than the first time. There was a door
to one side and on the other there was a kind of window. It was just a square
cut out of the wooden planks and reused as a kind of shutter, attached with
some leather strings. She opened it and looked outside. All she could see
were trees, trees and even more trees. Moss covered the ground like a carpet,
some mushrooms shimmered in the fading light. A few flowers, yellow, white
and blue for variety dotted the green.
Everything looked so lush, so fertile, so immensely alive. She did not notice
the tears running down her cheeks, making their way around her smiling lips.
in the sight of the lush vegetation she forgot about the drink, she had been
going to get. When it got dark she felt the humid, slightly cool touch of
a night breeze. Suddenly a little giggle dropped out of her still smiling
the time being she felt content just standing there and felt almost happy
though there still was an ache she could not deny nor explain. It was there,
familiar like a scar you got as a child.
the moon arose, a full moon even, her features changed from happy face to
melancholy. The moon... Tears once more ran down her face. She closed the
window. No moon, not tonight. She remembered the moon in the desert. It had
dragged her farther and farther into the desert and further and further away
from herself. She had found a place now. For the moment she wanted nothing
else but a rest. A few breaths between screams.
was no light in the hut but the silvery moon beams squeezing through the slits
in the planks. It still was enough for her to find a mug filled with water.
She did not wonder where it had come from, but drank greedily and spilled
some of the water. It ran in little streams down her breasts, to her tummy
and further down. A shudder made her putting the mug down again. She became
aware that she was stark naked. She looked around to see if her clothes were
lying somewhere, but there was nothing apart from the bed and the table where
the mug had been standing on. It did not matter, she found her way and went
back to bed, falling asleep immediately.
was walking over soft moss slightly wet with dew. The ache she still felt
in her once shredded feet slowly vanished, soothed by the soft and humid moss.
The sounds of the forest at night did not frighten her. Branches stroked her
head. Sometimes she had to bend to avoid them. Little twigs snapped under
her bare feet.
a pale shape approached from behind a tree to her right. Startled she stood
still. Then she remembered. Happily, she went down her knees and embraced
the big grey wolf. For a few moments she just enjoyed the feeling of the soft
fur stroking her naked arms, her face and breasts. Then, the wolf disappeared
under her hands, just dissolving, soon there was nothing left of him. Tears
ran down her cheeks and she felt lonelier than ever.
she heard a rustle. Anxious she looked around, hugging herself. There was
something. She could not tell what. Leaves and moss together with little twigs
and the blossoms from the flowers growing everywhere formed to create a shape.
She went a step back, another one, prepared to run away. Her left side was
already pointing the way she had come. Fascinated she still could not draw
away, not before finding out what the shape was to become.
the shapes form became more precise. It looked like,... like a woman,
a huge woman, like one of these idols they made in some villages along the
coast. An idol representing a goddess. The air smelled of flowers and fresh
cut wood. There was another smell... A dark one... Not frightening, but...
Then she recognized it, the smell of humid, dark brown soil. The green woman
made of leaves and flowers was just standing there, not trying to move closer.
There was something expectantly in this, as if she was supposed to say or
do something. She just could not think what! Something touched her. No, touched
this was not quite right. It felt as if someone was stroking her mind cautiously
so not to frighten her. But still she was scared and confused. What was she
supposed to do? She considered the appearance and thought that if it was a
kind of ghost or even a kind of supernatural being, it might not be able to
speak to her with words. She could feel the touch again. Trying hard to relax
she made an attempt to reply to the question she thought she felt behind the
touch. Now it felt like two hands drawing closer, stroking her... She formed
a thought: Who are you? Hesitantly the appearance came closer - in every context,
in her mind as well as in body. Then, there was an answer: I am me. Just me,
fainted. On the other side of conscience she felt little sprouts growing into
her flesh. She could hear the rustle of the young leaves when they found their
way out through bones and skin on the other side . Her awareness went deeper
into the shades, hiding from what happened to her. [...]
Sybille Sterk 2002, 2003
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